Hola Bingo Babies.

How are we all diddling today?

I bet ya all sat there thinking so what tangles has our Aly got herself into this week?

Well soz to disappoint you all but none. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Peace has reigned supreme in the Aly house…………………………….So soz no funny blog this week.

Adios Amigos

Aly

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Nah who am I trying to kid. There is summit wrong if I didn’t have at least one drama. This week’s drama involved a loft ladder.

As some of you may not know I moved into my new house at Christmas. I have been living with boxes for 4 weeks now and it’s been driving me scatty.

I got a little man in. And I really do mean little. He was smaller than me. Dave he was called. Bel asked me why there was a boy in the loft. He was that small lol. Anyways Dave came and boarded the loft for me.

I got myself a loft ladder from the Argos book and planned to fill the loft with all my useful (useless my dad said) items (junk). One problem. I don’t own a drill. I couldn’t fix the loft ladder to the hatch. Brainwaveeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Just use it as a normal ladder Aly I told myself. Fab idea I commended myself.

I took the essentials up with me. Drink, mobile, house phone, radio. All was going well until dum dum dummmmmm as I was dragging myself thru the hatch I kicked the ladder out the hatch.

Ok Erm…I’m stuck up in a loft 10 foot drop that’s nearly 2 of me.  What shall I do??? “Calm down for a start girl” I told myself. I know I thought I will phone Sarah she can calm me down while I think of a plan. Well I thought I had phoned me bessy mate, I didn’t realise I had the number for the local builder site, “you silly beep, what ya do that for you beep beep idiot.” Ok Sarah that didn’t help you have just made me laugh so much not only am I stuck up here for ever I also want the little Aly’s room.

It got so bad I looked about for a bucket but what did I spy….a collapsible wardrobe. Like Bear Grylls I fashioned a hook from the rods. I tied myself to a joist and hoicked meself head first out the loft using my Bear Grylls hook I managed to get the top of the ladder and dragged it up to the hatch.  Oh the joy and elation. Oh the bruises and cuts. Oh the freedom. So here I am now 2 days later still covered in bruises and cuts and a half full loft. I think I’m going to throw my junk in the shed.

So my bingo babies it’s that time as always.

Keep your pipes lagged and your lofts insulated.

See’s ya laters Aly gators.

Well the frog murderer finaly got her just deserts.

Froggy went a revenging he did laugh ahh hummmm

Froggy went a revenging he did laugh ahh hummmmm

Froggy went a revenging he did laugh, he broke Beany’s scooter on the path.

Ah hummmm ah hummmm ah hummmmm.

Well Gilly going on these picture’s the recovery man is a very nice man, a very nice man, a very very very nice man.

(note to people scratching their head. An old AA advert with 2 old ladies talking about the saving graces of the mechanic, I just showing my age).

Well…what a weekend I have had!

Nearly got killed in a conspiracy between M18 road signs and my sat nav. Got lost in fog, and then repeated the whole process 2 days later!!

Let me start at the beginning where most good story’s begin. As you may know we had a CH meet this weekend just gone. A little get together for everyone to meet, name to a face time.

On Friday I had to pick Donna up from Doncaster airport. South Sheffield to Donny you may think 20 minutes’ tops. Well let me tell you, getting to Donny to pick up a Donna ain’t the easiest thing in the world to do. I looked on the Doncaster Airport website, no postcode for sat nav grrrrrrr. All it said was M18 travellers leave motorway junction 4 and follow signs. I typed Robin Hood/Doncaster airport into sat nav and “Jane” said junction 3. Hmmmmm now who to trust??? Jane on numerous occasions before has directed me into a lake and a field. Where will she try to kill me this time?? As it turns out in a B and Q car park she was convinced I had to drive through the shop and out the other side to reach my destination but I’m jumping ahead of the story.

I left the house at 12.40 to reach Donny and Donna for 1.40. “Jane” told me the journey should take 51 minutes. Clear run on the motorways easy peasy I thought. Now some of you may not know this but I am a bit of a Stig. A 51 minute journey I can do in about 20. So I thought an hour would be suitable timing. How wrong I was. Left M1 fine no bother, got onto M18. This was the beginning of the road to hell. Jane is telling me to leave at junction 3 the road signs junction 4. I decided to trust the road signs; after all they direct traffic every single day. Jane only directs me once in a blue moon.

“After 400 yards leave the motorway junction 3” Jane declared. “Sorry love” I called to her,” I don’t trust you”. Well to say Jane had the hump was an understatement. Jane ignored me for the rest of the motorway. No turn around when possible; no make a legal u turn. Nothing. I could almost hear her muttering to herself.

I left the motorway as directed at junction 4. Hmmm now where to go on roundabout? No signs, nothing. I heard Jane chuckle to herself, I’m not making it up I know she did. I turned left to work my way back in the rough direction of junction 3. Told ya so, told ya so I could hear Jane thinking. Eventually after 20 minutes I think Jane could feel my rising panic. “Turn right when possible” she declared out of the blue. Relief surged through me. I turned right. “Carry straight ahead for 400 yards” she said in a told you so attitude. So I did. Straight into a disabled parking bay in B and Q. Proceed straight ahead Jane almost screamed at me. I must have looked a complete nutter, sat in a disabled parking bay almost in tears screaming at a little metal box stuck to me windscreen. “Ok Jane you win I should of listened to you. Happy now???. I turned Jane off threw her across the car. Ranting like a loony. Got out the car, kicked the car, got back in the car, turned the sat nav back for Jane to declare in a you are forgiven voice. “Turn around when possible”. Would you believe it she got me there in ten minutes.

As for the fog, would you believe I very nearly made Debz get out the car and walk in front of it. The visibility was so bad I couldn’t see the end of the bonnet let alone the road. So while the sleeping beauties that are Ian Elle and Donna snored their way to slumberland in the back. I had Debz saying….. Oh this is bad!  Cor I ain’t seen fog like this before!  Ouch! Curb! Cow! Car! Lorry! Bus! Sweetie? And that smell ain’t me btw all the way home! (Sarah lives in the back of beyond and its farms for as far as the eye can see, but Saturday evening that wasn’t even 5 foot).

So the moral of the story is…never go to Doncaster airport and never drive in the back of beyond with zero visibility when a farm has their drains blocked!!!!